Last Night of the First Year

Tonight is my last night as a first year graduate student. When (as I am speaking optimistically here) I finish my paper- I will be done! As Jan might yell "Victory!" Tonight was also my last night of work until I get back from PA. I am so excited to have three full weeks of sheer nothingness; it will be complete bliss. I will be able to sit down and relax and not have to have nearly every hour of my life planned out each day. 

This has been a great year at CGU. I have faced many difficulties and have somehow been able to survive them. I have made truly amazing friends. My memories of my first year of grad school will always be mingled with my friends. There have been many late night text messages, Denny's study parties, library camp outs, crying phone calls and occasionally an injured biker. All to say, this year has been so much fun and I couldn't have done it without you guys! See everyone when I get back!

Sleeping On a Pencil

I decided to take a break from paper writing and psyching myself out with Dracula readings to write my priceless musings of the day. I woke up on a pencil today. I actually slept with it right in the middle of my back. This lead me to consider the various books, pencils, highlighters, etc. I have managed to fall asleep on without noticing. I consider this the true ultimate graduate student status, the mortification of the flesh level dedication if you will, to long nights of reading Sidney, Spenser and Stoker (that impromptu alliteration was oddly gratifying- but I digress). Working two jobs and taking a full time load has been a crash and burn class in ultimate time management, which as a side effect sometimes causes one to wake up with a writing utensil lodged in their spine. I am happy to report however, well two things, first for those wondering I never actually felt the pencil- I found it this morning then proceeded to laugh out loud at myself (judge if you will) and secondly that despite this odd encounter I have been remarkably productive this weekend. I am feeling compelled to list such small victories in response to my previous state of delirium, so please indulge me:  

1) Read 200 pages of Stoker's Dracula  

2) Read 50 of what seemed 500 pages of Sidney's Defense  

3) Read a questionable Spenser article with in addition to about two full pages of untranslated text, shameless plugs to the author's previous works- seriously?  

4) Went through about 10 sources and outlined paper  

5) Actually, so far, complete about five pages of my paper 

Though yesterday I had a Denny's excursion from 7:30 pm to 4:00 am and work up at 8:30 this morning to do all of these various tasks, I am still feeling oddly resilient and productive. Hopefully such luck continues...

Losing My Mind

Ok, so I think I am officially losing my mind which is unfortunate because I really need it for various school and work related reasons. To demonstrate my insanity I would like to offer the following things I actually have done in the past two days:
1) My manager returned a time off request form because not only did I put the dates in the wrong places- I asked for 4/45 off. The forty-fifth of April for those of you who didn't know is apparently a good day for rest. She looked at me frustrated and said, "I don't really know what this means can you please fix it." I had to explain to my manager that I am an idiot and that I really meant to write 5/3 which we all know looks exactly like 4/45. Moving on.
2) Forgot my super easy locker combination at work, twice. My manager walked by laughing at me as I am hunched over my lock spinning it desperately trying to get my keys so that I could go to the car and get my watch which I left in my backpack- which nicely segue into number three.
3) Apparently popped my trunk before I went into work and left it wide open. When I went to the car (God had my back on this one- he rocks) to get my watch I saw to my dismay the trunk of my car about six inches open exposing my backpack and a small library of books.
4) Car issue: Idiot edition. Christian and I went to Chilis for dinner and when we got back in the car I took off the emergency break, put the car in reverse and the car was moving forward. How can a car do this, you might ask? I was screaming and freaking out because it was inching up the car parked across from it. So I put in back in park and try again, same thing. Weird. Right? So I get mad and tell Christian that he needs to drive my crazy car. So I sit down and buckle up and he gets in and... are you ready for the answer to this mystery?... maybe you are smarter than me and already guessed it... He TURNS THE ENGINE ON. Ok, so I turned the car on but did not start it and when i took the break off it was rolling forward because I was on an incline. Seriously??? What is wrong with me? As Lori Anne once tempted, any one with the answer to that question wins a FABulous prize.
5) There really isn't another precise situation- thank God, but my linguistic capabilities have also begun to fail me, as I charge many of the female characters in my 18th century literary papers. I have successfully mangled every date, time, day I work on, where I am supposed to be at what time, etc. - edit- as I spell checked this document, it lit up with awesome treasures such as "packback." Case in point.

Bottom line: I need sleep. Fine print under bottom line: I also need to write 50 pages in two weeks and finish my coursework reading.

I am reading Dracula and I find myself wishing that I could bite some random people and perhaps gain some restorative power, that would be nice.

Vacation from Life

There is something so weird about taking a vacation from your life unexpectedly. There is an all bets are off, fly by the seat of your pants, throw caution to the wind, and 400 other cliches to describe my current situation. It is as if the world is going on without me and I am in some happy place, absent yet exempt from responsibility. Not that I at all endorse undergoing oral surgery to obtain a few minutes to one's self, it is nonetheless a great surprise. I have a schedule on my refrigerator and there is something so satisfying in not being in any of those places. It's funny because this break is something that I would not have done on my own, it was exactly what I needed to force myself to take a break from it all. My boyfriend and I were joking that I am the sort of person that would limp my way out the door to work or class if it were up to me. This inconvenience has been a break most needed and appreciated despite the over achiever in me screaming "think of everything you are missing" and "you are missing wayyy too much work, young lady"- yes, I do have a patronizing inner voice. Patronizing yet essential to my everyday existence in this crazy, over worked, over scheduled, underpaid situation I like to call my existence as a graduate student. 

P.S. As I was grabbing my computer to type up this bit of brilliant insight into life, I tripped on the wooden foot of my sofa and all of my toes went numb. Even though it hurt so bad, and I was really irritated, all I could do is hold my laptop for dear life and hop around the room laughing. Maybe another purpose of injuries is to remind myself that it is all not that serious. 

Things That Make Me Happy

Things that make me happy:

1. chewing without discomfort

2. ice cream after doctor's appointments

3. unexpected time off

4. great friends

5. writing

6. snuggling in my comforter

7. sleeping in

8. waking up in a good mood

9. being productive

10. old comfy sweaters

Jobs, School, and the Emergency Room

    Considering how incredibly busy I have been lately, I am surprised to find myself for the most part happy. I have just recently taken on another job, which despite all of the hard labor (unloading over 2,000 boxes) and long hours, I actually enjoy. The management and team members are really great and I feel like I am learning a lot and thinking about books in new ways.  I find myself in some sort of nerdy stupor to be surrounded by both an amazing quantity of books at my disposal but also other employees that share similar interests outside of academia. I am still of course enjoying my other job at the writing center and value my time with the students, as it is a small precious window describing what is to come in my teaching career. I am also really enjoying my classes this semester, if not always the material- I really appreciate the teaching. I believe that the professors are invested in the students which always inspires me to be better. 

      Today I had to go to the emergency room and tomorrow I have to go to the dentist to try to rid myself of this horrible mouth pain due to an emerging wisdom tooth- which I am sure if I was not medicated I would try to turn into some sort of statement about life, or the pursuit of knowledge but after three different types of medications we shall leave that as it stands.  I feel that the combination of this craziness, the jobs, the stress, school and paper writing would normally really defeat me, if not discourage me, but I am feeling surprisingly strong and content. There is something so gratifying in overcoming obstacles and learning to stand on your own two feet (when you are perhaps not nearly fainting due to vertigo related to tooth complications). It gives me confidence in my decision to continue my studies, even though it is so costly, because it is what I love. I feel like this unexpected surge in strength has come from believing that this career is what I really want, and if it takes two jobs and no sleep to achieve it-then that will be my path and the result will be all the more rewarding. I also believe that the friendships I have made have really inspired me to be better and to have courage to continue this dream.

     Thanks to everyone for believing in me and perhaps teaching me to believe in myself.

My very first blog!

Ok, so maybe my first blog is a little anti-climatic despite the exciting title complete with exclamation point. I am so tired after this week that I feel like creating the blog in itself was enough for one day. There are so many things to consider: what to say, what not to say, whether or not I will hate my url later and wonder why I chose it. Mainly I created this blog to be entirely self indulgent- mostly to clear my head and type out my lists which are getting ridiculously long these days. One such list:

    * Read Faerie Queen (while resisting the urge to throw it over the balcony)

    * Review articles for presentation

    * Prepare paper to meet with professor Kroll

    * Work a ridiculous amount of hours

    * Remember the gym??? 

    * Argue with credit card company

    * Sleep

The good new is, despite being very busy, i am enjoying school, work and friends. Stay tuned to see if I can survive the madness!!!